Writer's block (Open and authentic)

I have writer's block. 

My mother-in-law passed away last month. 

After her passing I told myself to "take a break" away from all the hobby stuff.  Which, was probably not the best idea, in hind sight.  I didn't want to add *one more thing* to the chaos and sadness I was feeling. 

So I said "no more" for the rest of the month.  

Now we are getting close to the middle of July and I'm not feeling much better.  

Trying to go on as best you can, or business as usual, doesn't work. People need time to process and grieve. I did myself a real dis-service by not only *not* taking time to do what calms my mind, I told myself to *not* do it.   

I've been hit with a lot of heavy and intense stuff the last few months, in addition to the COVID flipping life upside down.  A cousin died a couple months ago.  I'm the last of the three of us who grew up together.  One of my closest friends was diagnosed with cancer.  These are just a few of the things I carry in my heart right now. 

How can I write and pretend major life events didn't happen?  

Well, I'm not.  I'm letting you, dear reader, know that significant things have happened in my life and I can't be very cheerful right now.  I would love to tell you about the garden that has taken off like gangbusters.  The adorable little bun that Loki gave birth too. The rooster that survived the fox attack is still with us. 

I am tired. I am still feeling sad. There is a lot swirling in my brain right now. 

I'm part of a Facebook group that talks about "what's outside your window." Several weeks back one gal shared something that struck a chord with me. So I screen grabbed her message to my photo roll and saved it. 

I don't remember what I was thinking when I first read it.  But it's a beautiful story to share. 

It never occurred to me that the family would experience something similar. 

A couple days before my mother-in-law passed away a cardinal moved into the yard, and it was there every day until we were done taking care of her belongs and clearing out the apartment. 

Maybe one day I will write the story.  Today is not the day.  

For now I will leave you with this song, and the promise that I will be back to my normal self, in time.  Right now I need to be gentle to myself and just be. 

This song, I feel, best describes the day of my mother-in-law's passing.  She flew away in the morning. Song is performed by one of her favorite singers. 

Until next time ...